watchman

i stay up late. watch, as we each go to sleep. watch myself crawl underneath these sheets, to pause and listen, the recent heavy breathe and close my eyes to the lulling rhythm that brings me peace. just for one moment. one night. one evening. i am grateful that i am considered. that you still believe, after all my failures and regrets.

there is a conscious mind shift i struggle to make, day by day, sometimes, moment by moment, that you are now different from those long lost days. that the hope you now see carries more faith than my heart can believe. that you choose to sit through the pain with me. that you will not allow me to close the door and run away. that you will fight me till it bleeds and breaks us all.

thank you for lending your shoulders to me. i never knew this day was possible. you showed me courage in the face of danger. you won't and probably will never say it, but love is stronger than a few short lines of affection. thicker, than blood. i'll remember your promise to re-member me.

you, too, are a gift. a precious gift.

so, Jesus, watch over us, your little ones. May we stumble in the dark to know your grace. May we find mercy in the face of chaos and unrest. May we never grow weary to fight this fight and run the race.