there is a time for everything under the sun.
a time to be born. a time to die. a time to rejoice. a time to mourn.
there is nothing new under the sun. all is meaningless and time is ticking away. my pride and my joy, my hopes and my fears.
my time is up when meaninglessness takes over. like a slow burning room, crash and burn. for i'll be better for it when it's over.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
simply put
"They are too used to you and nothing is new," he said to me across the room.
I found it to be bitter truth. Some sage told me that before and I had distanced myself and now I find I have broken the cynic's rule to this business.
I know there is so much to be colored and it's telling during dinner that the flight didn't quite take off as it should. Felt like, exactly like what he said, everyone just winged it just to get it over and done with. Injustice, he calls it.
Respect, I put it quite bluntly, is the essence that's missing to get this on the floor running. You know, it's really quite simple. Don't complicate things. Just pick it up and do some damage like it's meant to. Learn to respect the wall when you jump and you will know how to clear every one that comes your way. Something I learnt in my army days that left a wise mark till today.
For some unifying reason, it seems that nothing is sacred anymore. Boundaries become irrelevant and work ethic lines become blurred. I suppose I have too many years ahead to consider, ironically.
I love the swing of musicians in the house. Just plain passion over timber and electronics. And a deep respect for the gift that has been placed on our hands. And a burden that drives us to be human even in the midst of fawning fans and star struck faces. Let me never be sold out or disrespect the burdensome gift that is keeping me both alive and dying.
Let me never ever forget that.
I found it to be bitter truth. Some sage told me that before and I had distanced myself and now I find I have broken the cynic's rule to this business.
I know there is so much to be colored and it's telling during dinner that the flight didn't quite take off as it should. Felt like, exactly like what he said, everyone just winged it just to get it over and done with. Injustice, he calls it.
Respect, I put it quite bluntly, is the essence that's missing to get this on the floor running. You know, it's really quite simple. Don't complicate things. Just pick it up and do some damage like it's meant to. Learn to respect the wall when you jump and you will know how to clear every one that comes your way. Something I learnt in my army days that left a wise mark till today.
For some unifying reason, it seems that nothing is sacred anymore. Boundaries become irrelevant and work ethic lines become blurred. I suppose I have too many years ahead to consider, ironically.
I love the swing of musicians in the house. Just plain passion over timber and electronics. And a deep respect for the gift that has been placed on our hands. And a burden that drives us to be human even in the midst of fawning fans and star struck faces. Let me never be sold out or disrespect the burdensome gift that is keeping me both alive and dying.
Let me never ever forget that.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
gambling it away
Like Mrs Potter's Lullaby, these thoughts and tunes walk in and out of every room. Remnants of 1999 where hope was technicolor and youth was the propeller's power. I'm tired. They all tell me to stop gambling it away. That it is time to stop this nonsense. I don't know of any other way to live and I am stubborn. I am hopeless so it seems.
KT Tunstall is 32 this year. Drastic Fantastic, the sophomore, is coming out in a few days. She is still hopeless.
I know it doesn't last. But this is the take off that I am waiting for. I'm tired of waiting. For good company to be on the same bus and plane to cities and townships to tell good heart to heart stories. That people are tired of hearing the same dream. That I became a nomad for a season was for good reason. So many visions in my head. So much inertia and patience to be had. So little visiting hours.
Why do you toy with me? That I am in a spiral concentric circle. Coughing away the years in a smoke filled fireplace. My aches are wanting. My restlessness is showing.
Save me O Lord from these lying lips. The very ones that contemplate my soul. Who steer me in the direction of their agendas and motives. Save me from meaninglessness. From well meaning well wishers who see something else that I don't agree. Only You my God, my trust and my strength, my only source of hope. For there is no one else like You who will save me day by day, step by step. My spirit aches and groan for something more. Something more than the obvious.
Save me from misunderstanding minds. Save me from a life cut short from expectations, status quo and delinquent fractions.
KT Tunstall is 32 this year. Drastic Fantastic, the sophomore, is coming out in a few days. She is still hopeless.
I know it doesn't last. But this is the take off that I am waiting for. I'm tired of waiting. For good company to be on the same bus and plane to cities and townships to tell good heart to heart stories. That people are tired of hearing the same dream. That I became a nomad for a season was for good reason. So many visions in my head. So much inertia and patience to be had. So little visiting hours.
Why do you toy with me? That I am in a spiral concentric circle. Coughing away the years in a smoke filled fireplace. My aches are wanting. My restlessness is showing.
Save me O Lord from these lying lips. The very ones that contemplate my soul. Who steer me in the direction of their agendas and motives. Save me from meaninglessness. From well meaning well wishers who see something else that I don't agree. Only You my God, my trust and my strength, my only source of hope. For there is no one else like You who will save me day by day, step by step. My spirit aches and groan for something more. Something more than the obvious.
Save me from misunderstanding minds. Save me from a life cut short from expectations, status quo and delinquent fractions.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
save my living daylights
hide me now under your wings
when these shadows cower over me
and towers stronger than me
invade and mistake me for their enemy.
when love is not enough to carry on
when the dishes are left untouched
and the sink unscrubbed
and grubby paw marks on every wall
and an empty house serving like an empty cell
only echoes in the hallway of a crying soul
in solitude, in pain, in ungrace.
Father hold my broken pieces together
broken glass bits that shattered
when the well meaning warm mug was handed
inside the warm car of a familiar conversation.
Give me hope against hopelessness
Give me bread to sustain life
Give me life against meaninglessness
Hide me from these shadows
Hide me now as I lay me down
No death will take me apart
No, not this again.
GIve me this night a dry pillow to rest upon.
when these shadows cower over me
and towers stronger than me
invade and mistake me for their enemy.
when love is not enough to carry on
when the dishes are left untouched
and the sink unscrubbed
and grubby paw marks on every wall
and an empty house serving like an empty cell
only echoes in the hallway of a crying soul
in solitude, in pain, in ungrace.
Father hold my broken pieces together
broken glass bits that shattered
when the well meaning warm mug was handed
inside the warm car of a familiar conversation.
Give me hope against hopelessness
Give me bread to sustain life
Give me life against meaninglessness
Hide me from these shadows
Hide me now as I lay me down
No death will take me apart
No, not this again.
GIve me this night a dry pillow to rest upon.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Ghost-Gods
[Script] 1 Samuel 12:13-15 "So here's the king you wanted, the king you asked for. God has let you have your own way, given you a king. If you fear God, worship and obey him, and don't rebel against what he tells you. If both you and your king follow God, no problem. God will be sure to save you. But if you don't obey him and rebel against what he tells you, king or no king, you will fare no better than your fathers.
[Observe] Strange but true. Our philosophy of a god that would seethe in anger is an easy antidote to our comprehension of our Creator. The idea that God is good has more depth than the idea itself. Samuel was truly angry, righteously so, when the people asked him for a king. Why would you want a king when you have the original King who follows you like a cloud wherever you go? The essence of his holy discontent. Here, again, we see the utter, ridiculous goodness of God. The people rejected God's leadership, kingship, wanted a king whom they can touch and feel and see. A visual human being they can trust. God is big enough to let it slide, in His good nature and in His consistent character, would give what we ask for, even though there are these unpalatable side effects that come along. He orchestrates, works with the system, reconfigures the perfect human king for His people. That is the extent to how He would save us. And why would He do that? That we would be alive, protected, still living in His hope that one day we will return to Him wholly, in obedience, in surrender, in love.
And this is not the first time He has done it. Consistently, He gives us what we ask, and serves it with His heart cry - return, obey and worship only the one God who took delight in making [us] into his very own people.
[App] How many times have I rejected His presence? And humanly so. For I cannot feel, touch, see Him. I have never asked for a "king" in my life till recent late years as a christian. Crossing boundaries and prayers that seem heretic. Stoic and strength seemed to ground my feet and keep me within the picket fences. And as I understood the goodness and grace of God, I started asking for these "kings and rulers" to watch over me. Yes, all along, my King and My God has kept His watch all through the night. And it is difficult to have an emotional intelligence about it. How do you walk on a tight rope when you can't even see it? Yet it is the constant call, this irony, this faith, to return to His presence, to obey, to serve with ALL my heart. How much is this not stoic? How much is this human, the humanity He created us with? How much is this life?
I have lived with a tyrant king, a biker leader who never showed tender mercies. A violent lord over my life, who knew only pain and infliction to raise a boy and whip him into a man. I rejected that king when I found my cross and His maker. And now it seems I have spent the last few decades searching, instinctively for a human king, suffering under the imperfect rulership, reminiscent of my days in Egypt. Well-fed, clothed, crowned but enslaved, chained and fenced in.
[Pray] Have I forgotten my Egypt days, My God? For they are now far and north from here. There is freedom living under Your liberation. But there is also fear along with all this love You have given me. These uncertain times are only uncertain when I try to figure it all out on my own, borrowing from the wisdom of other rulers. Working my back sore in exchange for the gold and silver promises from these Egyptian gods. I want to walk with You my King. I want to tread in obedient step with You my God. I want to live in liberation and trust my needs in Your hands. I want to worship You in all my ways. Have mercy on me even when I still ask for faux-kings and ghost-gods. Give me the best shot even though I may trade for second best. For You are my Father and you are a loving merciful one at that.
[1 Samuel 12:20-22] Samuel said to them, "Don't be fearful. It's true that you have done something very wrong. All the same, don't turn your back on God. Worship and serve him heart and soul! Don't chase after ghost-gods. There's nothing to them. They can't help you. They're nothing but ghost-gods! God, simply because of who he is, is not going to walk off and leave his people. God took delight in making you into his very own people.
[Observe] Strange but true. Our philosophy of a god that would seethe in anger is an easy antidote to our comprehension of our Creator. The idea that God is good has more depth than the idea itself. Samuel was truly angry, righteously so, when the people asked him for a king. Why would you want a king when you have the original King who follows you like a cloud wherever you go? The essence of his holy discontent. Here, again, we see the utter, ridiculous goodness of God. The people rejected God's leadership, kingship, wanted a king whom they can touch and feel and see. A visual human being they can trust. God is big enough to let it slide, in His good nature and in His consistent character, would give what we ask for, even though there are these unpalatable side effects that come along. He orchestrates, works with the system, reconfigures the perfect human king for His people. That is the extent to how He would save us. And why would He do that? That we would be alive, protected, still living in His hope that one day we will return to Him wholly, in obedience, in surrender, in love.
And this is not the first time He has done it. Consistently, He gives us what we ask, and serves it with His heart cry - return, obey and worship only the one God who took delight in making [us] into his very own people.
[App] How many times have I rejected His presence? And humanly so. For I cannot feel, touch, see Him. I have never asked for a "king" in my life till recent late years as a christian. Crossing boundaries and prayers that seem heretic. Stoic and strength seemed to ground my feet and keep me within the picket fences. And as I understood the goodness and grace of God, I started asking for these "kings and rulers" to watch over me. Yes, all along, my King and My God has kept His watch all through the night. And it is difficult to have an emotional intelligence about it. How do you walk on a tight rope when you can't even see it? Yet it is the constant call, this irony, this faith, to return to His presence, to obey, to serve with ALL my heart. How much is this not stoic? How much is this human, the humanity He created us with? How much is this life?
I have lived with a tyrant king, a biker leader who never showed tender mercies. A violent lord over my life, who knew only pain and infliction to raise a boy and whip him into a man. I rejected that king when I found my cross and His maker. And now it seems I have spent the last few decades searching, instinctively for a human king, suffering under the imperfect rulership, reminiscent of my days in Egypt. Well-fed, clothed, crowned but enslaved, chained and fenced in.
[Pray] Have I forgotten my Egypt days, My God? For they are now far and north from here. There is freedom living under Your liberation. But there is also fear along with all this love You have given me. These uncertain times are only uncertain when I try to figure it all out on my own, borrowing from the wisdom of other rulers. Working my back sore in exchange for the gold and silver promises from these Egyptian gods. I want to walk with You my King. I want to tread in obedient step with You my God. I want to live in liberation and trust my needs in Your hands. I want to worship You in all my ways. Have mercy on me even when I still ask for faux-kings and ghost-gods. Give me the best shot even though I may trade for second best. For You are my Father and you are a loving merciful one at that.
[1 Samuel 12:20-22] Samuel said to them, "Don't be fearful. It's true that you have done something very wrong. All the same, don't turn your back on God. Worship and serve him heart and soul! Don't chase after ghost-gods. There's nothing to them. They can't help you. They're nothing but ghost-gods! God, simply because of who he is, is not going to walk off and leave his people. God took delight in making you into his very own people.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)