mind & body

There is that feeling that you know you are going to fall quite terribly ill. The neck is hurting, the eyes are watery, the body is nervous and restless. Yet i will not go to bed easily without being present to my thoughts and what this stir within is to wake me up to.

This week has been the longest. Every waking hour, I am in different postures, on the couch, on my knees, squatting, pulling every ounce and penny of energy to synchronize the efforts. I haven't rested properly since the spell of this freedom. This freedom to be. But i feel like I have abused it and made a mockery with my hands and feet slaved to the plough and chugging on like a train without end.

It takes discipline to rest and say no and shut down those reminders, pop ups and bring myself back to what really matters.

As i walked inside and surprised my best friend, it gave a fright to her toddler son and he started crying. I felt bad for a moment but soon enough, he was playing with my hair, or lack of, looking at me with peculiar eyes, pointing at me with keen interest and sharing my dinner wrap. We almost could not leave the house as the boy started to cry when mum said goodbye for us to head out to some chocolate indulgence. Mum had been home for most of the day and the week and it was a rare treat to get out, eat some fruit and chocolate belgian waffles and laugh ourselves silly over the linguistic antics of a friend's office cat called Duke Orange - The Orangeatron.

Moments like these, I come back to realizing that nothing is quite that sacred. It's all about the relationships we built and the kind of banter that we can have because we fought and know we can just be.

This evening was a rare treat. Right up there with the SYTYCD, SlamDunk nights along with conversations and disagreements and the wrestles that pull and tug and tear at the seams so that the new can be created.

I sleep tonight with thankful hands and a heart un-obligated. May this ache on my blade and neck go away. May the seeming fractures on my knees and back heal with the warmth of the night and the balm of the spirit's whisper.