Big Fish

I wonder why you made me this way. This intensity only making sense to me, deciding between plunges or stabs or the slow dance to the end of my step. Why do you taunt me and tease me? My brother said third time lucky and I wish it was this easy. Why is it such an easy mixture to swallow for some and a jagged pill for me? I get judged that I am holding on too tight but why do i always feel like its a handout, hand down from some unwanted watershed. Take a look around. And it's easy to see, the eyes turn out the lights and my mind zones out. I want to sleep safe inside the arms of another and never wake. For why is it so hard to pull a bull terrier along and all I want to hear is that it's never easy. Don't make it sound like it's my clinical oppression. I have a deep and dying burden to tell the story and it does not want to die, though many a dreams I wanted to snuff out the lingering flame. Smoulder my face in this sleep and squeeze the life that is keeping me in this agony. Would I go as stupid as to saw off these wings on my back? Would you go as far as to keep your distance? I don't mean to scare you away, but it's been a lonely journey, this feels like the third epic false start again. Do not toy with me again. I am at the end of my rope and I am slipping. You can see the cracks showing. I don't know how much longer i can hang on to this cliff. Please have mercy on me and don't give me no more hand out cards. Perhaps this is the big fish I have been dumbing down.

Maybe all I need is some company with a warm blanket right next to me.