listening party

so it was, that i could not sleep till 5am. The events of the evening left me with courage that sat me up all night.

i sat in my brother's room, typing away, adding, clicking, putting together my annual obligatory tax matters. for some reason the regular pain on my back became a deep hum that felt like a soothing healing balm sitting on my spine like a warm glow.

"i was really glad you stood up for yourself and fought me," he said.

there were the familiar tears in his eyes, the ones i made question on their integrity. but i knew they were familiar because i have cried these tears before. those things in the past that inform us for who we are today, reaping the differences in the relationships we invest in. it is painful to hit wall after wall in our stubbornness to try and fix the world. i'm grateful we have each other on this journey.

it's like an epiphany. like facing up to the aggression of my dad. taming of the beast they call it. the beast really, is our fear. my fear.

well, i'm glad you charged into my room when i slammed your door. i don't know what recklessness i had to find the voice to speak up. i hope i didn't damage anything.

there was somewhat a release. a huge rock off my heart. i found my peace with God. the struggle i have held up for so long have come out in an overnight tussle. i felt delivered. there was a freedom and my feet was light as i picked up the alleykat to worship. i'm glad we pushed on in those 20 minutes inside the parked car before we headed for sunday's business as usual.

finally, i found my voice to sing again. there's so much to tell.

may our listening aids still work. may we never grow weary of love.