high

it's effortless, this high, to be on cloud nine. last day at work, new career on monday and a kick ass set to play tonight. 250 pair of ears. my biggest crowd down south so far. it's been almost 10 years since i picked myself up to do a show like this. i'm thankful for carmen's album launch, the new strat, the old POD Line6 that's still working wonders, the marshall amp from church, the boys i'm playing with tonight and a place for my shuffling feet. good things come in multiple of threes.

it feels like a wean off the overdose. not that i can't be present to the now, but, there's always a "but", always a sliver of panic underneath the belly, tugging away at the nerves, sending shivers to my fingers as they tap discreetly on this overused keyboard. i think about straight jacket restraints and how they work to save yourself from hurting and multilating. just two nights ago, i smashed the fan to the floor with my head. it still hurts like a glowing warning sign. i need human intervention, don't give me no God spiritual emo shit. In my anger, i am trying not to sin. But already, I'm falling short, severely.

A year ago, i found a way to live. To live for others, feed them, clothe them, embrace them and feed on their gratitude and grace. Much like Patch Adams, for a while it was good, in the beginning, when hands were receiving and our feet walked with cooperation. And then the story hits a tension, when the ones you care about the most, the ones you have no idea you let inside, the ones you trust, changes. Does it now take a butterfly and a divine visitation to remind me of goodness, grace, mercy flowing from the throne room we've all been cultured upon?

This feels like 99 when I was in LA. The air was different, expectant. I dreamt of playing out in the suburbs, following festivals and events to play to a potential international audience. I suppose this is a dream come true, playing outside of the little island i was born in. Tonight, it feels like, it all begins. Or maybe i am clearly deluded and caught up in an artificial clingwrap whirlwind.

I don't know how my feet will land tomorrow, or the day after, but all i know is that this feels like an emergency hand up. For now, as I memorise these for tonight, may it bridge me to the next sunrise....

Awakening - lyrical genius of Jon Foreman, Switchfoot

face down with the LA curbside endings, with the ones and zeros, downtown was a perfect place to hide. the first star that i saw last night was a headlight and a man made sky but man made never made our dreams collide, collide

here we are now, with the falling sky and the rain, we're awakening here we are now, with our desperate youth and pain, we're awakening maybe it's called ambition, and you've been talking in your sleep, about a dream, we're awakening...

last week saw me living for nothing but deadlines and a deadbeat sky, but this town doesn't look the same tonight. these dreams started singing to me out of nowhere and in all my life i don't think that i ever felt so alive, alive...

here we are now, with the falling sky and the rain, we're awakening here we are now, with our desperate youth and pain, we're awakening maybe it's called ambition, and you've been talking in your sleep, about a dream, we're awakening...

i wanna wake up kicking and screaming i wanna wake up kicking and screaming i wanna know that my heart's still beating, it's beating, i'm bleeding

i wanna wake up kicking and screaming i wanna live like i know what i'm leaving i wanna know that my heart's still beating, it's beating, it's beating, it's beating, i'm bleeding....

here we are now, with the falling sky and the rain, we're awakening here we are now, with our desperate youth and pain, we're awakening maybe it's called ambition, and you've been talking in your sleep, about a dream, we're awakening dreams, we're awakening...