fix

it's wearing out. this fix. i draw the blinds and curtains so no one sees the scars and scratch on the wrist. this better not be just another time out. i want to watch all the movies and screenings and live inside a make believe world because my reality is just too dumb fucking hard to live through. hasn't life always handed me a stick? now i still am walking out in the rain alone, to the cool of the jazz music not really doing anything but stick up for me like a plexi sound barrier to keep the folks in the other room safe in their nest, undisturbed.

so here i am alone again. with no hope of the warm hug ever surfacing, for since these many weeks ago, this hospital bed is abandoned, forgotten and left conveniently rolled out of sight. i know, i am inconvenient and perhaps it is time to give it all up and throw it all in.

but something says, not yet. not yet?