not too long ago

instructions on my walls. figures and pictures from the sketch whim of my crayons. frankston. the pain on my back that wouldn't go away.

it is getting cold again. my feet scurry to find the double quilt to warm my toes. i dream of warm days when we all shared a common blanket, laughing at the dinner table, like we were family.

something brings me back to those days. those days when i sold my car right across from the apartment building, next to a police station. that some friend of old shared his bookmarks with me, for some reason, means almost the world to me. made me stop and cry. makes me pause in my tracks and hear the wonder of my body still breathing, a heart still beating. something about simplicity and gestures like these, gets me. just does. maybe i should try not to read too much and make meaning more than what it might actually be, to protect my heart from loving again, from giving, from hurting.

maybe we're all grown up now. maybe. just, maybe, the off chance that circles do come round in a pay off sort of way.

may our hearing aids still work.